With A Heavy Heart.

Though a reasonably personal blog, I've never been much to get very serious here on Thrill of the Chaise.  I try to focus on the fun, the lighthearted and the beauty of the everyday.  But this is weighing heavily on me and though it serves no real purpose other than to allow myself the chance to say this all out loud, I needed to share it. As I drove across the country this week (which you can read about here), I promised to keep you updated with all the fun goings on of my travels.  On Friday, as I made my way across Kansas, the news of Newtown, Connecticut broke.  If there is one real thing to know about me, it is how much I adore my community at home in Connecticut.  Waiting to get a text back from my cousin, an emergency dispatcher for the town of Newtown, and watching the news in a supermarket in Kansas City searching for an image of one of my oldest friends, a police officer for Newtown, to ease my mind about his safety, filled me with worry and despair for the place I have called home my entire life.

Newtown is one of the most beautiful and welcoming places in the world.  I was driving down Main Street last week to pick-up my dad at work and I was overcome with excitement to show a very special holiday visitor such an adorable and meaningful town in my life.  It is my mom's hometown.  It's where I went to school until the age of 6.  It's where my parents got married.  It's where my family lives.  It's part of the very small community I call home and that I love more than anything.

Watching major news outlets speak about Newtown, hearing people who would go through life never knowing Newtown existed...maybe never even knowing Connecticut existed...send their condolences and thoughts, has been overwhelming to me.  Turning on the TV tonight in a motel in rural Pennsylvania to see '48 Hours: Newtown' begin made it feel like the wind had been knocked out of me.  I am devastated for the community.  I'm in pain for the parents and loved ones of all the victims, both who lost their lives and who will forever be scarred by the memory of this senseless event.  I am in rage that this is what Newtown will forever be remembered for.  I'm in shock.  Pure and simple shock.

I won't wax lyrical about gun control or how angry I am that the community that allowed me to grow-up with an incredible sense of safety and a beautiful naivety has had that taken away.  This is just to send my love to Newtown.  It's to hopefully paint a picture beyond this tragedy to those who are only just learning about this precious place.  It is to send my love to those effected on every level of the events that took place this week.  It is to hopefully, in some way, contribute to the spirit and support Newtown has and will need for years to come as we all, at some point, try to heal in aftermath of this tragedy and heartbreak.